Tell me what you think!

I recently added the blog entitled “The Architect”

Give it a read and tell me what you think you would do!

Do you believe in “signs”?

the self-styled life

Do you believe in signs? Do you believe in an afterlife, or that people who’ve left this life are still around, somehow touching our lives in small or even sometimes big ways?

After announcing my pregnancy, I got a lot of really beautiful comments, both here and from friends and family, noting that although I’ve been feeling neutral about my due date (which falls on the anniversary of my sister’s death), it definitely meant something.

It’s funny, because I’d probably be the first to tell another person that a coincidence like that was significant. I do believe that the dead are still with us, in ways we don’t necessarily understand. I even find reincarnation convincing, despite the fact that my Christian background doesn’t support it. Nature-The Universe-God is the ultimate recycler–there are countless examples in the natural world of the fact that nothing ever truly disappears–it all feeds…

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The Architect

So recently I’ve received some pretty big news. It feels like since i’ve turned twenty this is the only kind of news I ever receive. As a young adult I have been waiting for something to signal to me that my life -like, real life- has begun. I wanted something to make me feel like i’m an adult and not just some living being somewhere confused between childhood and adulthood. Now i know why people say be careful what you wish for because it was as if God himself heard my thoughts and I received news that my mom has suddenly gotten the opportunity to move to a different province. (Yes its a province not a state in Canada, get with it people.)

I thought: AMAZING, awesome mom. But the feeling of pride and joy quickly went away when I suddenly realized this probably meant a big change for me. I mean i could just stay at my dads house and stay a member of a young family’s household (my dad has a young wife and young children) or I could jump into the change.

My mom has this idea that I should stay in Toronto because I’m doing my undergraduate studies here and it wouldn’t make sense to leave now, which i totally agree with. She has come up with a type of plan that would allow me to live in Toronto and continue my studies here while paying no rent and minimal bills. Sounds awesome right?

But then why do I feel so weird about this? I feel like it should be a dream come true. Finally my own space where i can be free to be who I am, discover my likes and set some roots. An affordable solution to my need for independence.

But why then do i feel so anxious and scared?

I decided to name this blog “The Architect” because of something my grandmother said to my mom soon after my mom broke the news to everyone. She said that we are the architects of our own lives. Its our jobs to draw up blue prints, erase what doesn’t work, perhaps test materials and reorganize. We set the foundations for our futures. We decide what the landscape of our lives will be, because we design it personally. I thought to my self, what a beautifully inspirational concept; That i am the architect of my own life. That i have at least some if not most of the control over my own future. I love this!

I want to be an architect of my life, i want to draw the blue prints and design my future!

But why,then, am I feeling so afraid of picking up the pencil and starting?

If anyone out there has gone or is going through something similar, I would like to hear from you and get a new perspective on this!

Leave a comment  or tweet me at @NataliePadron

Hello World :)

Alright so here we go.
I am beginning to realize as I get older that I have neglected a side of my being that was really active as a child but has been silenced with age. When I was younger I used to keep daily diaries. Literally everyday I would write about who my latest crush was, who my favourite band was, and what colour I thought suited me best that week. Not only was keeping a journal so helpful for keeping my changing mind somewhat organized, it was a critical outlet for me in managing through novel emotional and social obstacles. I guess that as I got older, I became somewhat “cocky” and like every teenager (i think) decided I no longer needed help managing my thoughts or emotions because i was an expert at life and i knew it all (don’t we all at 15?). However, now leaving my teen years behind, my adolescent brain fog has cleared up and I have once again come to the scary realization that I really do not know it all. I actually know nothing at all. I am really quite clueless.
I hope that in writing these blogs, the happy, determined and enthusiastic little dreamer I used to be will be resurrected and that somehow by talking to you and putting myself out in the online community I will find inspiration and maybe even a little guidance.
So I hope you’d like to join me on this journey, especially if you are a 20 something year old and also have no clue what life might look like for you in the near future! WE’RE IN THIS TOGETHER.
I think we’ll either find that everyone is meant for something, or somehow maybe we’ll just stumble upon a path that is perfect for each of us… That’s a topic for another day!

Stay dazed and amazed lovelies.

PS: If you read through all of this thank you very much, and i hope you come back for the next one

Much love,

Nat